meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
