So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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