When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
