Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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