My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
