Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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