oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
