I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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