At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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