he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you would pick up someone in the library
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
