On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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