he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
babies were throwing up all over the place
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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