Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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