I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
