If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
