I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
