Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
