i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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