So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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