yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
