Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
