I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
