Barsexuality is the new black.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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