you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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