i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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