I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
