Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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