she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
