So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
