I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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