ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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