It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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