i think my tv is drunk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
