If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
