Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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