I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
NoShamevember. You game?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
