Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
