So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
