Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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