Umm I'm too high to move.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
