Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
