i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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