You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
