Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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