So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
