you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
