Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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