why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
