I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
