Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
