So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
