dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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