i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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