She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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