They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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