I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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