I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
