So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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