i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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