spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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