went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
