the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
