My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
