Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
