those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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