I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
