i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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