Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
