party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
