Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
