I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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