A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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