u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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