i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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