she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
