kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
false alarm. still invincible.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
