If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
