Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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