Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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