Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
