Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i think i just naturally attract stoners
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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