i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
