Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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