She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
