I don't think brook has ever known best
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
