I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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