Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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