Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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